Obligatory Cell Phone Screed

Recently while shopping at a not-to-be-named mega store, I noticed an unusual trend. Not only were about half of the customers wandering the aisles with cell phones glued to their face, but all of the personnel stocking the shelves that I saw were on THEIR cell phones, and even a “customer service” associate or two as well! I could rant on the fact that these people, ostensibly there to help the customers, were wrapped up in their own little worlds on the clock, but to me that is not the question. I just wonder, is there really THAT much more to say now than there was before cell phones?

I can still remember it well, when “dialing” meant sticking your finger in a hole on a little wheel (i.e. a “dial”) and turning it to the desired number, then watching and waiting as the dial returned steadily to its original position before entering the next number. The farthest you could range from the sturdily mounted base unit of the phone was as far as you could stretch the cord on the handset. Sometimes a call might be made to shoot the breeze, but generally speaking the telephone served a utilitarian purpose. By and large, speaking with your friends took place in person and sometimes one had to wait to tell another person something!

It is no secret that the explosion of cell phones causes an exponential increase in the time a person is available to make or receive calls, and has therefore led to a similar increase in the amount of time spent on the phone by the average American. But is there an imperative that availability must immediately correspond with action? Is there really that much more to talk about? As I walk among the masses of phone wielding masses catching hints and pieces of the conversations the only answer that I can arrive at is, “No”.

Invariably it seems, when someone begins a conversation with their distant friend, the first question is “Where are you at?” soon to be followed by a description of where the caller is at – vital information, this. Finally one party or the other inquires of the activity of the other, to which the response generally is “Nothing much”. Afterward, general trivialities are exchanged, usually involving one party loudly exclaiming “I know! I know what you mean!” followed by laughter reminiscent of a hen producing the largest egg of its career. Other callers argue with a spouse or significant other as they go about their activities, denying themselves and the other party of a chance to calm themselves before speaking further. Of course, even though the argument proceeds in angry whispers, invariably the reason for the argument becomes apparent to those around the speaker.

The callers go forth, usually oblivious of those around them, splattering the banalities of their trivial existence in the aisles of the supermarket like so much mayonnaise oozing from a dropped glass jar. Only, unlike the mayo, one never hears the announcement, “Clean up on aisle three, man arguing merits of his fantasy football picks.”

My solution is quite simple, really. I do the unthinkable – I pay attention. If someone feels the need to stand near me and blather on about the latest sale at Kohls, the exploits of their in-laws, or what they will be cooking for dinner, I actively listen. When the person on the phone glances my way I make eye contact, with a smile of course. I make it quite clear that I am politely listening to every word they say (and perhaps what the other person is saying as well, depending upon how loud they have their receiver set). It seems that nothing is more disarming to these people than the fact that someone standing nearby might have the *nerve* to listen in on their conversation. At this point the person on the phone will typically move away from me as quickly as possible.

This suits me fine.