To Boldly Split Infinitives and Self-Observe Like I've Never Done Before

The distinction between mental illness and mental health is not a bright-line distinction. On one end of the spectrum are the "healthy" and on the other are the clearly ill, those experiencing hallucinations or who simply cannot function at even the most basic level. Between the extremes are the depressed, the bi-polar, the ADHD, the high-functioning Autistic.

To the extent that it is clear that their actions stem from their mental illness, those who are very ill are excused to an extent by society. Problems arise, however, when unraveling the actions of the less ill.

Certainly there are many among the mentally 'healthy' who make fools of themselves. The question arises then, whether the foolish actions of the marginally ill, such as a bi-polar person, stem from a manic episode or from the unfiltered poor judgment of the person. Is the depressed person merely lazy, or has that person's condition made it impossible to carry on? Even the affected person can find the question difficult to answer.

Looking back, I can see decisions made during my life that I feel were definitely made under a manic influence. Decisions made that I knew at the time to be completely out of character with my basic nature, but with which I felt compelled to proceed. Others foolish mistakes are more difficult to quantify. I cannot say definitively whether they were made under a manic influence, under my own poor judgment, or some combination of the two.

Of course, suffering from bi-polar, the opposite is true as well. There have been times where I have been paralyzed with inaction that I am quite sure have been linked to depressive episodes. But there also have been those times when I cannot say definitively that depression played a major role, or any role in my inaction. Even the most 'healthy' person can need a break or even just be lazy.

I know of no magical key that will allow me to open this mystery. Nonetheless, much of my life seems to rest on making this determination. If I cannot recognize and take active measures against a manic episode, how can I take the appropriate actions to minimize its influences? Likewise, if I cannot recognize in myself the depressive cycle, how can I expect myself to seek the required help? It is not logical for me to trust in the observation of others. My wife of 13 years could not truly detect these shifts. Apparently, within me is the ability to cover up and lie to one and all, including myself, when these episodes strike. I have hope that the modifications to my medication have taken sufficient hold that the extremes do not manifest themselves often or at all. But, can I be sure?

That is the Gordian Knot, the $60,000 question, the continuing hero's quest of self-realization -- whether I train myself to be sufficiently self-observant and disciplined to recognize and correct irrational mood swings. The answer to this question will determine whether the rest of my life will fulfill the promise behind this Blog, or whether my life will result in a smoking ruin.

The Rational Insane

Insane. The word itself, literally, means one who is not sane -- implying that the person's basic mental processes have been compromised. Conventional thought is that an insane person is a person of lesser mental ability. This fact is self evident when observing the paranoid-schizophrenic skulking from place to place attempting to avoid the CIA, the delusional man walking down the street talking to his 'invisible' friend, or the lady who shrieks in terror and attempts to flee the non-existent monster. Society labels these actions as irrational and the person suffering from them to be insane.

The question is, how irrational are the actions of the 'insane'? If the CIA were actually chasing you, intent on doing you harm, would it not be logical -- necessary even -- to go into hiding in order to avoid this terrible fate? How irrational is it to talk to your friend as you walk down the street? Especially in an age of technology that produces many people who are similarly walking down the street talking to their friend via cell phone. If a great, blood-thirsty fiend were attacking you, would not the logical and rational response be to shriek in terror and attempt to flee? Apparently the producers of any number of horror movies think this is so.

The 'insane' person often is not compromised in the basic ability to rationally think. Rather, the insane person often suffers from some form of hallucination. The brain receives visual, auditory, or even tactile information that does not conform with the reality of the situation. Having this faulty information, the 'insane' person then goes on to make rational decisions based upon the sensory input received.

The brain is an amazing organ. As the 'seat of reason' it can maintain all of the complex functions of the body and, at the same time, provide for object recognition, language, creative thought, etc. But, like any other organ, it is susceptible to chemical imbalances and manipulations. An otherwise 'sane' person can experience hallucinations by altering the chemistry of the brain with substances such as LSD. Others choose to override the brain's current, logical level of pleasure-producing chemicals through the use of substances such as alcohol, cocaine, marijuana and methamphetamines. While under the influence of these substances it is not uncommon for an individual to engage in poor actions.

Society has a tendency to tolerate, or even forgive, the actions of a person under the voluntary influence of mind-altering substances. He or she was only "high" or "drunk" -- it is not like they were crazy. Should not the inverse be true? The 'insane' person has made no choice to have a brain with altered chemistry, whereas the sane person under the influence of voluntarily taken chemicals has made the conscious choice to have an altered brain chemistry.

Society has misplaced its priorities. More effort should be made to rehabilitate the insane person, who is arguably an otherwise rational person suffering from incorrect sensory inputs, and less effort in rehabilitation of individuals who have proven their intent to consciously and voluntarily alter their brain chemistry in an attempt to flee the very reality that the insane person longs to find.