And then... six months later.

Yeah, six months. I do not know how to describe the last six months. In early January the contract job I had was not renewed. Since then I have spent months trying to find work between bouts of some pretty crushing depressions. Living alone and being unemployed is probably a worst-case scenario for depression. There is no need to do anything for anyone. Sleep patterns become disturbed as you nap for two hours here, four hours there. One day merges into the next, always with the intention of getting your act together 'soon'.

As my therapist would ask, "Why now?" What has happened to make bring a change from the prior condition? Well, quite simply it cannot go on any more. I have expended what meager savings I had. My creditors are at the door. I have drawn upon the good nature of my siblings. The position of inaction is no longer tenable, unless I care to be homeless.

So now I work at a 7-11 whlie I try to find something better. At first I thought I might just stay there, living the low-stress life of a clerk. But a few weeks of working have reminded me of a few things. Number 1, I am no longer in my 20s and Number 2, I weigh about 100 pounds more than I did the last time I worked in a convenience store. Simply, I do not think I can take standing 8 hour shifts for many more days. Every morning I shamble out of bed like a 90 year old man and limp out to the car. I just do not think it will work.

I do finally have some prospect of another 'office job' and some more leads. My fear there is that I will start another job and end up messing it up as well. My hope is that with the help of a therapist as well as meds that I might be able to handle such a position better.

Time will tell. Time will tell.